Spring's Renewing Aroma of Change

Today I sat in my math class, reflecting. I had been really nervous because there was supposed to be an exam. Once the teacher informed us that we would be reviewing today the fog of anxiety lifted and there was sudden relief.

I felt this calm penetrate my very existence. Why is it that I sweat the small stuff?  Why do I let things like math tests, parking the van, and my house being a mess stress me out so badly?  Are these things so important that I should allow them power over me?

When I choose to let my anxiety win, I lose out on life.  It affects how I treat others, how I accomplish my duties, and my overall health.  Is it really worth it?  IS snapping at my kids, being rude to my husband, getting headaches, pain in my chest and losing sleep acceptable?  Absolutely not.

Sitting in my math class today gave me this new perspective and I suddenly felt refreshed and renewed.  I took several deep breaths and felt the soothing calm overtake my being. I can do this. I can make it through this class, this day, this trial, this month, this year.

Since March 24, 2011, I have been scooting by.  I’ve barely been surviving, barely living.  I’m deciding today to start thriving.  I am not going to allow circumstances to take over my life any longer.  I am going to cry when I need to cry, to be real at all times.  I am going to do my best at everything t rather than the minimal in order to make it to bedtime.  I will no longer allow small things to govern my thoughts and actions, and I plan to live life to the fullest.

Hello, first day of spring.  I will allow my garden to bloom.  I will remove all the weeds and everything that has been frostbitten over this long two year winter and I will plant seeds once again. I want my garden to be fruitful, colorful, and radiant.  This spring will be a time for renewal, rebirth, and growth.  The outcome of this season’s garden will not dry up and wilt.

I am going to allow the faithful Gardener to care for my garden; I will allow Him to prune what needs to be pruned, to water what needs it the most, and to hold the key.  The success of this garden is solely up to me handing that key over and not trying to get it back.  Though, at times I may want to steal it back and try to tend to the garden myself, I will remember how I allowed that flowers to die and how I don’t know which branches to prune and which to keep.  I am truly no expert and it is really not my key to hold.  I will entrust my garden, my life, to the One who knows exactly what He is doing, and I will trust that His plan for me is good and for my benefit.