I finally got the sense knocked into me, and I have the bump to prove it.

We saw Lion King in 3D today with Kylie and Alex.  It is strange how things hit you differently when you're an adult then when you're a kid.  I used to love that movie and dance and sing to "I just can't wait to be king", but today I felt a tug at my heart.  Of course the death scene of Mufasa was very hard for me given the recent loss of my mom, but there was something else there that really got to me.  

Those who read my previous blog from this morning would remember me talking about redemption.  Well, the entire theme about lion king is beyond the circle of life, beyond hyenas, beyond singing giraffes;  it had a deep, realistic theme of redemption.  

First, there is an enemy (Scar) who separates a young cub from his father thorough death.  Then, Scar lies to the boy accusing him of killing his father and makes him feel shamed enough to run away.  How often are we shamed by our sins enough to hide?  Adam and Eve hid from God and we tend do do the same.  The kicker here is that he was LIED to.  It was the ENEMY who made him feel this way, it wasn't truth.  Poor little Simba had not killed his father, he had not done anything wrong.  How often does OUR enemy lie to us to shame us and separate us from our Lord?

  Then Simba meets a wise warthog who encourages him to "put his behind in the past".  As Timon corrects him, you have to put your past behind you.  Hakuna matata means no worries.  In the context it is about forgetting the past and not worrying about it.  Without God, forgetting our past and not dealing with it brings the past back to get us, as it did when Nala ran into Simba.  Instead of running in shame, lets learn from our mistakes, lets face "Scar" right on.  

The beautiful thing is that because of Christ Jesus dying on the cross for us, we have the beautiful gift of redemption.  We are able to be saved through grace and are at liberty to put the past behind us.  God forgives and forgets, giving us the ultimate redemption, as we sin daily.  Sometimes it takes a huge, difficult life circumstance for us to understand true grace and true redemption, just as it did Simba, and also me.  It took me getting pregnant out of wedlock to understand God's grace.  It also took working past a ton of lies that Scar has fed me for my entire life, for me to be made whole through Jesus.  

Don't let Scar hold you back.  Don't make Rafikki have to travel a far distance to knock some sense into you.  As Simba said to Nala when she asked what changed his mind, "I finally got the sense knocked into me, and I've got the bump to prove it."  We all have bumps that God has used to teach us to come to Him, to surrender to Him.  Don't forget the bumps, the lessons, don't let the lies hinder your light nor your relationship with Christ.  

Because of Christ Jesus we can truly say "hakuna matata".  We truly have no worries about our past.  Be free from your shame, don't let the lies come back to you.  During all of this he learned that Mufasa lives in him, just as Jesus lives in us through the Holy Spirit.  Take comfort in the fact that you're never alone and remember the promises of who you are as a new creation in Christ.  We are, like Simba, sons and daughters of the king.  

With this I close.

Hakuna matata, friends.  God be with you.

I know what I was feeling...but what was I thinking!?!

A mom.  A wife.  A sister.  A daughter.  A daughter in-law.  A woman.  A friend.  A cook.  A maid.  A student.

Yes,  I have a lot of job descriptions.  I probably have more.  And people wonder why I need medication.

I can now admit that I have taken on too much in too little a time.  Now, do not let this be confused with regret.  I would not trade in any of my kids, or circumstances for anything.  But where I was once defensive and one acted like I had it all "together", I can now admit that I have taken too much on.  WE have taken too much on.  God gives us people who are older than us to impart wisdom and the Bible clearly states that it is a fool who doesn't heed wisdom.  Man, we are such fools.  

How many times have we needed to be bailed out?  How many times are we going to be victims of "circumstances"?  When are we going to learn?

I know there are plenty of people who look at us and wonder the same thing.  The Salgado family is constantly struggling, and people worry about us.  Well, guess what?  Keep praying, and stop worrying!  We are beginning to mature!  We are (gasp) growing up!  

After marriage struggles, parenting struggles, financial struggles, family struggles, we are finally on the same page.  Raul and I are finally united with a new found passion to make it.  We have embarked on a journey of managing the finances that God has entrusted to us well.  We have embarked on "scream free" parenting.  We are learning to forgive and talk through things, not only as a couple, but also with our family members.

We are also learning to fall in love.  We realized we have never truly been in love before.  We were in "lust".  Then we got pregnant, and ended up getting married.  Then we started renting a casita, then we rented a house, then we bought our first house, and then we rented a huge house.  We have never just let things be.  We add pets, children, houses, and who knows what else anytime things calm down.  We have to make things exciting and stressful.  We have to be going at all times.

Where did this get us?  This got us a temporary separation, anger problems, depression problems, living with Raul's parents, four kids in four years, two indoor cats who are living outdoors, and many more problems that are more private.  

How does God teach us?  He redeems us.  He doesn't bail us out and make things perfect but he mentors the willing heart.  Personally.  He lets us learn from our mistakes.  And he loves us through them.  There are little blessings, that are sometimes hidden, but they are there.  Raul and I are truly falling in love with Him and are learning to trust his will for our lives and our family.  Raul and I are also learning to love each other and love each other well.  We are learning to love our kids well, and what discipline really looks like.  We have the chance to just "be".  For once in our loves we are content to just be still.  Well, as still as you can be with four little ones running around like little crazy honyaks.  (Honyak- h-on--y-o-k noun: to be crazy, silly, wild; origin Grandpa Kirby)

Please pray for the Salgado family.  Pray that we will continue to be united.  Pray that we will fall even deeper in love with our God, and each other.  Pray that we will stay on track with our financial goals.  Pray that next weekend as we go scatter my mom's ashes, we will experience healing and comfort.  Pray for healing of the damage to each one of our children's little hearts as we have not parented well the past couple years.  Pray that our hearts always remain teachable to wisdom.

chaotic day with purpose

It was a day like no other.  The dog woke me up at 4:45am.  This to me does not even count as morning, but since the little booger (or big- very big booger, might I clarify) began to cry, I (very grudgingly) grumbled, got up, and took her outside.  When she came in, she got very excited since it MUST be time to eat.  I blinked through my blurry, sleepy eyes and trudged to pour the dog food and fresh water.  I then looked at the clock.  I could either snuggle up next to my sleeping honey-bunch, or I could begin my day before day has even thought of rearing her ugly head herself.  What did I do? Well, if you thought I followed my typical pattern and went back to sleep until my kids pulled me out of bed by my fingertips, you would be sadly mistaken.  (see above, a day like NO other.)  

There was a little excitement in me as I realized how productive I was going to be!  Could it be?  Is there really silence at this hour?  Afraid that I might be dreaming, I only dared to turn on the little light above the stove. I began to work on my homework.  Ahhhh....peace and quiet, time for concentration.  Then I tried to access both my online classes that use a separate web access portal.  I then had issues with them both.  This began to throw my mood off a bit, so I concentrated on remaining positive and decided to do homework for another class.  Focus.  Determination.  Coffee.  I can do this.  I made myself a healthy breakfast, southwestern style Egg Beaters, and one My Nana's tortilla.  A healthy breakfast is a great way to start a day.  Today is going to be a great day.

Kids wake up.  One by one my solitude is dwindling away.  I get Kylie, my kindergartner ready for school.  As usual, we are rushing out the door.  We make it and I hurry back inside, in desperate hope of making my kickboxing class, one of the only ways I can stay sane.  I mean, what could be better than coffee, a healthy breakfast, and exercising to begin my day?  Absolutely nothing!  And definitely not jumping in my car with only 30 minutes (and counting) until kickboxing, speeding going the speed limit and hurrying to Walgreen's, searching for a bulb syringe, deciding on a battery powered aspirator, grabbing the much-needed eggs, jumping back into my car, speeding going the speed limit and rushing home, setting up the aspirator, sucked snot out of Karsyn (my 9 month old)'s nose, and got back into my car with only 12 minutes till my only hope of working off my stress begins, and speeding going the speed limit, honking and yelling waiting patiently behind traffic, screeching carefully driving through the parking lot, parking and hauling booty into the gym.  

After kickboxing I had to run some stressful errands which resulted in HOURS of phone calls, long hold times, wrong departments, must call backs, and all kinds of other fun beat-around-the-bush stuff.  Then I served the scavengers (Aiden and Alex, 2 year old and 3 year old boys, need I say more?) some peanut butter and jelly, crackers, and bananas.  NAP TIME.  Enough said.  Whew!  If I can make it to nap, I can make it through the day.  Then I lay down and decide since I got up so early, I deserve a nap.  What happens then is mind boggling.  My stomach growls.  What?  You mean YOU, yes you, the little monster called hunger (just to clarify there is no monster in there that is human. That ship has sailed.  4 times.  I have more than contributed to society) expect to eat too?  Oh, my.  Needless to say, my honey-bunch brought me wings (waste of a workout) and we had a nice quiet lunch together while Tweedle-Alex, Tweedle-Aiden, and Tweedle-Karsyn napped.  

Then they woke up.

Then Kylie came home.

Then there was screaming.

Then there was fighting.

Then I wanted to pull my hair out.  Or maybe theirs?  No, definitely mine.  

Oh, crap!  Kylie has gymnastics!  Then I had to rush to get everyone ready, we had to run out the door, Karsyn pooped when we got there, and of course I forgot to put diapers in the diaper bag...after 4 kids, you'd think I'd have learned.  Then a nice lady let me borrow a diaper and this is where my angel came in.  Amidst all this stress, all this craziness, I should have called a time out while I had a chance.  My friend Kim walked in.  It was as if God was trying to remind me that he is there even in the chaos.  This morning while I had solitude, instead of spending so much time trying to figure out my online issues, I should've spent time with God.  Seeing Kim, brought back the rejuvenation and renewal of my spirit from this weekend.  It was this little gift saying, I am here.

My verse of the day yesterday was Psalm 51:10  "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."  I should have spent my time this morning meditating on that.  I should have purposed my day to have a right spirit, a steadfast spirit.  I then did a devotional yesterday that was all about experiencing God's renewal and being new in Christ.   (Colossians 3:1-3, 5, 7-10, 12-14 NIV) 1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:1-3, 5, 7-10, 12-14 NIV) and Colossians 3:17 NIV

"17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

I am sure that Kim did not know that God used her very presence to speak to me and to remind me that I am a new creation, and that he has blessed me.  One way I felt blessed this weekend was by her very presence.  And to see her beautiful face in that cute U of A shirt and bright red ribbon in her hair today while I was having a horrible day, was truly a reminder to be calm and that He is always near me, and that I can choose to have a right spirit. And it was also convicting that I had been so impatient all day when I am called to clothe myself in kindness, gentleness, and patience. I love these gentle reminders from my abba, daddy.

Thank you, Lord, for sending Kim into my day and blessing me with your presence, your patience, and your kindness.

Allysia